Confidence is inversely proportional to Weight

April 25th 2012 

The title says it all !

I was never a skinny girl throughout my teenage days and fortunately it never bothered me. I was concerned about how I looked but not to the extent that it concerns the teenagers these days. Wow I sound as if I am in my fifties. But hey I can see what they call a 'Generation Gap' when I talk to someone who is just 5 years younger than I am. I am not judging them because they think differently. If someone is aware at a early age,  of what they eat and want to choose a healthier lifestyle for themselves by working out and avoiding junk food then thats good right !

I was a size 4 when I moved to Seattle. Within few months, just 6 months I grew bigger as they say and became a size 8. Now if I say that didn't affect my confidence then I would be lying. It did affect me adversely because I was not fitting in my old clothes.  When I went shopping I would try clothes that I used to like before but now they didn't look the same on me.

If you ask me why I didn't start working out or eating healthy. I would blame it on my health issues, Seattle weather,  my thyroid and other medications. But in my heart I knew the real reason is - 'I am just too damn LAZY'. I am an emotional eater and good food makes me happy.

With all that weight comes the self doubt. It was not that I was unhappy all the time but just sometimes I would get upset. I saw as my weight increased my confidence decreased. It was as if I gained the extra weight from the confidence I lost. And the worst was when I understood I was not alone. I met many others who were in the same boat, that boat was overflowing ;)

I saw women who were curvy or gently put healthy women would dress down. They all seemed to have a fixed dress code enforced by themselves and never really tried anything else.

One fine evening while I was sitting and enjoying my tea, I received a text from my friend. It was a casual text from India she had just woken up and she said how much she missed me and life was just not the same. It was that moment something hit me like lightening. I started reading my texts/emails from my friends  and acquaintances and even from the love of my life- my husband. I realized each one of them loved me and adored me for what I was and NOT what I weighed.  Relationships could not be built on something as trivial as looks. Over the years, new friendships were beginning to build and I felt welcomed into their lives, irrespective of me being 140 Lbs.

Mr. R also helped me realize that I didn't have to stop enjoying getting dressed, I just need to change my style and dress according to my body. He encouraged me to style myself differently and explore what made me feel good.

My thin strapped dresses were now replaced with sleeves. Off shoulders tops were accompanied with beautiful lace shrugs. The hemline of dresses changed. Bandage dresses were replaced by skater dresses. I added more dark colors to my wardrobes and prints were my favorites now. There were so many changes that happened gradually.

Don't ask me if this was good or bad, I don't know ! I just shopped according to my new body type and I felt good. I did this for myself and not to fit in someone else's acceptance criteria. I started feeling good about myself and I have never looked back since then. I felt happy and overwhelmed as if I had discovered something and I so wanted to share it with others as well. So that's when I started writing Fashion Section on my blog.

A decade ago I was absolutely flawless with the perfect skin, I was confident then but i am more confident now even with all the extra weight ;)

I realized its my personality, my profession, my relationships, my nature, my work and Mr. R that makes me look and feel beautifully confident from inside out and not the mere number, which is 144 today !  

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