This is the word for which I feel no emotion, am totally blank. Its like music to the deaf, colors to the blind and speech to the dumb.
Honestly, I don't know what it is to have a Father. I have never considered anyone as a Fatherly figure. I don't regret it. I am not upset about it. I never did, nor will complain about not having experienced a Father's Love.
There were instances when one of my best friends father was trying to tell me that I can treat him just like my father. But I never reciprocated.
I was 19, my professor was forcing himself on me, verbally. He kept saying "You are a clever girl, but very stubborn. You need to concentrate more on subjects ...etc.. I understand there is nobody to guide you so from today on I will be your God Father. Without asking me any questions you will agree to what I tell you ....." .
He lectured me for 35 minutes, I was just looking at him, nodding my head, pretending to listen, that is exactly what all students did in his class. But when I heard him say " You poor girl...."
That was the last word I could hear, suppressing my tears I said loudly "Sir, I have my mother and other family members who guide me, Thank you very much but I don't need a Father now. I also think you should not discuss this in Laboratory hours".
I think its always easy to not feel the void of something you have never experienced than for the known to be taken away from you.
Happy Fathers Day to all my dear friends :)
It's the human nature to pretend sympathy when actually deep down there they feel nothing for us.
ReplyDeleteTrue !
DeleteI relay myself over here. My mother also raised me as a single mother...I have gone through same situation...there are so many Father when you don't have one at your side. There is no sympathy in their sympathy. I am so proud to be my mother's daughter.
ReplyDeleteSociety is a bitch, pardon my language Ananya, Society never cares for you but will have a say on everything you are going through... I am glad that you didn't keep mum and broke the silence finally... they did it to you in School but they failed to do it in College... Bravo... :)
ReplyDeleteAmritt
Yes for a quiet, shy scared girl it was a big thing to back answer a influential professor.
DeleteA very moving read.. you write this so beautifully . I love about your posts that they also have this power elements - that makes me wanna jump up and cheer for you... You stand up for yourself and its warms me to read it.. Keep them coming - love your tales..:-)
ReplyDeleteThanks Eli, Your kind words mean a lot to me !
DeleteVery thoughtful, people sympathize for the sake of showing off their concern, true empathy is a rare phenomenon.
ReplyDeletetrue !
DeleteSome people do have this habbit of forcing themselves into other's lives in various capacities. And this must have been more so sensitive in your case.
ReplyDeletePrima facie nothing wrong with this father thingy though in my opinion. On many ocassions, I have viewed people in professional/ social settings as father/mother figures and given them respect/obedience in exchange for valuable mentorship/backing. But not like they came and demanded it or was formally ever spelt out.
Thanks for sharing your views, appreciate it !
DeleteYou are a strong one.. If you are not comfortable treating anyone as father figure, just don't... absolutely your choice.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much !
DeleteI can relate to this Ananya. My father expired when I was just 4 years old. And except for some hazy memories, I have no remembrance of him. When I hear that father's are the best or how girls are always closest to their fathers I do feel bad because I have never known or will know how it is to have a father in life. But it's ok because I think because we were brought up single-handedly by our mothers we appreciate their presence more in our lives.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your story with us !
DeleteHugs....stand strong. I love the way you've handled uncomfortable situations around you and emerged stronger! Love!
ReplyDeleteHug you back :)
DeleteYou're stronger than you know yourselves to be, Ananya. Your words speak as much. Love the way you stood up for the feeling in you. That's the spirit ! Love you for what you are !
ReplyDeleteSome people think that they can throw any kind of sympathy to assert their superiority, Ananya. I respect your courage and strength in this ruthless world. Keep it up:)
ReplyDeletepeople simply pity others...thinking that they do not have that do not have this...actually who think that way are weak and poor.....this is theme of the blog am working on:) cheers strong girl
ReplyDeleteAnother powerful post coming directly from inner emotion and it is beautiful. While I tend to believe more in the goodness of people, you are a strong lady as I see. Thanks for sharing this...
ReplyDeleteCan't believe the professor actually said that!! Who are these people, sometimes I wonder, who can say/do things like this?! Another post full of inner courage and true feelings of the heart. Very well written, Ananya!
ReplyDeleteAnanya it shows how strong are you...God bless!
ReplyDeleteYour strength is very evident and your post well written. It took courage to stand up to that professor - good for you!
ReplyDeletegod blesss ..the post shows how strong u r ! :) lots of love <3
ReplyDeleteAnanya, I started to know more about you and I feel that you are a really strong and lovely woman!! I was raised by single mother although I do have father at home!!
ReplyDelete~S(t)ri
Participant|AtoZ Challenge 2014
Smile, it makes (y)our day!
Father!! Someone whom Im very clse to and I always call myself Daddy's girl. Hence, it is difficult for my heart to read what you go through. You are a brave girl, Ananya. And I wish you all happiness. My heart goes warm when I read your posts and it truly touches my heart. There are no fake sympathies or false pity. I love the way you stand up for yourself and your Mom. You are one strong lady and your Mom would be proud of you! Lots of love and warm hugs...
ReplyDeleteThat's a strong post
ReplyDeleteI think sometimes we humans force ourselves on people and encroach on others lives without actually asking if they need us...
ReplyDeleteRandom Thoughts NabaRandom Thoughts Naba
I had a brutish abusive father and then a loving kind stepfather who was killed in an accident. I have been a single mother for most of my adult life and my sons and daughter tell me they think they were better off without a father than having one who was abusive. I have many friends and some are Dad's. There is a great void between father and dad. Any man can be a father, it takes a very special man to be a Dad. I see other families with great Dad's and sometimes my heart grieves. I hope some day you will know that when people are offering you that kind of support it is usually out of kindness. It took me a long time to understand they were well meaning and simply trying to offer support in the only way they knew. I too distanced myself from many people who might otherwise had become mentors and even friends. I saw danger in every man for a very long time and it has taken hard work and education on my part to be more open and understanding of the motives that drive people. I hope you are able to find that balance too. Peace.
ReplyDeleteYes, it's always easy to not feel the void of something which you've never experienced. fatherly concern however, is something I pray to God that everyone get to experience. I am deeply moved by your story. You're a strong girl. Stay Happy. My good wishes. :)
ReplyDeleteMaybe he just meant it in a good way? I understand that , to you, it must have felt difficult. Most people I know have the problem of inability to communicate sensitively. That has changed to a certain extent, but not too much.
ReplyDelete~Shailaja
A to Z Challenge, 2014/ UBC, April 2014
I could relate to this one Ananya. I lost my father when I was 5. Responsibilities were more for My mom and so she had to work at some other place and I was brought up by my Aunt. I use to meet mom only during weekends.. Yes! I use to miss my Mom and Dad when I was a kid but I think all these things have made me stronger now. Deep down somewhere I have always craved for dad's love but never told it to anyone. Not even to mom or my husband..
ReplyDeleteYour post have touched the strings of my heart which were untouched since a long time.
I too was shaken to learn that the word 'father' doesn' mean anything to you.. but it also says that you are a strong girl and you drove as much strength as you need, from your mother.. kudos to you and your mom!
ReplyDeleteYour mother has really brought you well... to be such a strong and independent girl. People don't know where to draw the line. Just ignore and be the awesome individual that you are :)
ReplyDeleteI was raised by my mother single-handedly too. My dad died early, but even when he was around, he didn't go out of the way to help me with studies or spend any quality time with me at all. So I completely empathize with your post because there were many people asking me to accept them as my father figure. :-/
ReplyDeleteThis is such a sensitive topic that I wonder what I can say to express my feelings. I lost my mother at a young age and I know no one unless that person has experienced it can understand it.. All I can say is that Ananya sometimes life teaches us something to perhaps make it better in the end. Which I am very sure you have :-)
ReplyDeleteRicha
It's hard to know what he meant, many do truly want to help, to replace a void they think you feel; but he sounds very over the top in his hurtful words. Still many kids respond to that type of treatment, as they want to prove the person wrong, anger does that...which might have been his plan all along. Here through A-Z traveling suitcase A-Z
ReplyDeleteI empathize with you. I have had people tell me similar things and I couldn't for the longest time didn't know what to say. I still don't. Everyone wants to 'fix' things for you. It makes sense to feel the need, but people should feel the urge to stop themselves from being a fix it all. Certain things don't need fixing.
ReplyDeleteThe 2 AM Writer
I didn't for the longest time know what to say*
DeleteThe 2 AM Writer
Strong girl you are Ananya !! To write about this topic.. and to stand up for yourself .. !! Stay Strong, stay blessed !
ReplyDeleteSociety always seems to thinks kids need both parents to function well but honestly, some kids would be better off with one parent or even foster parents from what I see through my job! Good on you for being strong minded and pretty much showing all those people your middle finger! :)
ReplyDeleteSuch a thought-provoking post, and so moving. Thank you for being so open.
ReplyDeleteI know exactly, precisely what you're saying, because a lot of it is close to home. You honor us by sharing this.
ReplyDeleteDamyanti, Co-host A to Z Challenge April 2014, My Latest post
Twitter: @AprilA2Z
#atozchallenge
emotional ...
ReplyDeleteI can feel what you said, after I lost my father people used to say why are you laughing out loud your father passed away just two months back? my answer within me, yes, I know that and I am working at 20 I have a wonderful family and my Dad was a wonderful man and death comes to all but life has to move on, are you sympathetic or just jealous to find me and my family so strong?" people don't empathize and they love to see others miserable so, even if you are doing well people think you are miserable and impose it on you.That's how life works, only you know that you are not incomplete and you can't miss that you never had in the first place.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your story!
DeleteSome people feed on others misery !
I agree with your conclusion. What many people don't realise when they are doling out sympathy is that they are pampering there own ego. Wish you the best ever!
ReplyDeleteThat last sentence sums things up. I am glad to hear you spoke up to that Professor!
ReplyDeleteHmmm.. many of us fought our own battle in our own way. We choose to miss or not miss someone, sometimes even when there is a father right beside us, a few may miss a fatherly support. :) You have a good attitude sister, Carry on...
ReplyDeleteHugs Ananya
ReplyDeleteyou are a strong woman :)
ReplyDeleteI have nominated your blog for the Sunshine Blog Award. http://namratakumari.blogspot.in/2014/04/my-sunshine-blog-award.html
ReplyDeleteI hope you would accept the award. :)
Thank you so so much for the award dear, since I have already received this award not sure, if I can receive it twice!
DeleteBut I love it, no less !
Thank you !
I would have said I am sorry for your loss but I won't coz you are likely to take it in another context. sometimes when people tell you sorry,. they don't do it for sympathy, they do it because it hurts to know that when you should be talking of the hot guys, you are actually dwelling so much on life.. but in the end it just means that you're very bright and insightful.
ReplyDeleteWe can question God for all that happened and the ones that didn't but at the end, the thing is things will remain the way they are. you're brave enough to accept things the way they are and trust me,. I admire you. I an not as strong as you and it is adversity that brings the best in us. Regardless of where you go and what people tell you,. I have a psychic feeling you're one of those who will forever believe in you and that is one of the best gifts God could give to anyone.
Be blessed always. hugs and love to you.
P.S. I won't be notified of your comment here :/
Should you have something to talk, you know how to reach me :)
I am Shruti btw to avoid any confusion ;)
sorry for such a terribly long comment.. I have typing disorder :)
Hey Shruti your comment has brought tears in my eyes and joy in my heart !
DeleteI am so overwhelmed that I can say no more...
I know when people say I am sorry, I dont take any offense! But you can tell, who really are sorry and who just want to prick your heart.
DeleteI thank you for your long comment, it has given me something i cannot express !
It takes time and a little will too to go beyond all voids in life.
ReplyDeleteDont really have much courage to comment :/ But I must say, For every obstacle we face serves it reward when time comes, everything happens for a reason , its only at the end we realize when we connect dots back. Bless god you.
ReplyDeleteIR
A ruthless world Ananya where so-called do-gooders pretend and sympathize. But, one doesn't need sympathy in this world and it's not one thing we need as humans. Ananya! I appreciate ur candidness.
ReplyDeletehttp://vishalbheeroo.wordpress.com/2014/06/15/wow-changing-diapers/
While reading this post, I once felt as if it's written by me.
ReplyDeleteI have gone through the same emotion in my childhood. Well-expressed!
After reading this post felt the same which happen to me my mother raised me and the same situation with my daughter i feel like the same is going to happen with her, questions and all.....
ReplyDelete